Calling Our Ancestors In (Speaking my Language)
I recently had the privilege of attending a Jeremy Dutcher concert, accompanied by the National Arts Orchestra. Every time I have a chance to do something like this, I always argue with myself beforehand; should I go or should I not go? I aways try to talk myself out of things due to something deep within my psyche that resists personal growth (I guess)? Knowing this about myself, I recently made the conscious decision to start saying yes a lot more to things that come my way. Luckily, I had other things I needed to tend to that morning so I had to be on the road anyway. The universe seemed to be gently pushing me along. I allowed things to flow like that and before too long, I was on the highway, heading to St. Thomas University in Fredericton, NB.
I am not super familiar with the campus, but somehow I managed to find the exact location with easy parking and I walked to the exact right set of doors (there were many to choose from). Then, I was ushered into the auditorium by friendly people who seemed eager for me to be there. I felt immediately at ease. This is my scene; the halls of academia partnered with people of elevated minds, hearts, and manners. I haven't been back to a university campus since 2019, which was the era that precipitated my entire life falling apart. But even back then, I felt the thread of something tangible tugging at my mind, not to mention my heart.
I found a really good seat, immediately; centre aisle, stage in full view. I was so nervous. I was shaking. Why? I don't know why, exactly, other than it was a moment of destiny for me and my body seemed to know this before my mind could catch up. My eyes were tearing up. I knew something good was about to happen. The ceremony was opened and blessed by a Chief of the Wolastoqey People. He began by inviting the ancestors in and that small turn of phrase suddenly made me realize I am in a room full of people who inherently understand the things I've been screaming at the top of my lungs (literally and metaphorically) to get people to understand. Well, there was no screaming necessary in this room, with these people. My body relaxed in a palpable way and for the first time in many many many moons, I felt at ease in my own skin, with my own brain, my own heart, my own spirit. I let the resistance fall away from me. I have felt like a beast protecting a bone. I have felt like woman whose spirit is caged and surrounded by small-thinking men trying to control my every move. But not on that day? That day, the waters of love and of spirit started to flow over me and I knew I was in the exact right place, at the exact right time, with the exact right people.
The music filled the air. Jeremy's gentle and easy sense of humour unified the room. Everyone's hearts were on their sleeve. He wore a red cape.
As songs were shared, I realized how deeply his music is engrained in my psyche now. It has carried me through this incredibly difficult journey of discovery and brought me back home, to myself. To what my heart knows to be true. These people understand the power and value of music. They know it is so much more than just noise. It is language, it is resonance, it is communication from one realm to the next. When they started to speak about inviting the ancestors to join us, they were speaking a language I understand better than almost anything. I live and breathe the relationship I feel I have with my ancestors. It is just a given. It might surprise you to know there are many cultures who do not think this way. Then again, it may surprise you to know there are many cultures that do.
As for me, as I have attempted to convey so many times, I feel connected to my father in a profound way, but he died when I was only a year and a half old. I never knew him beyond that age in this physical realm, but in my spirit? I believe he has walked with me, as well as my sisters and mother, always.
In a moment of conversation with the audience, Jeremy mentioned a woman by the name of Maggie Paul. I have not yet had the honour of meeting this woman but I already know she must be a force to be reckoned with. She is the ember that started the spark that ignited the flame within Jeremy's music and he would be the first to tell you so. He mentioned how she says she can hear our ancestors and their music, but it's not something soft and barely audible, flowing along the winds in whimsy. Rather, she claims she can hear a symphony. Well, that is pretty close to the experience I have had. I also hear a symphony but every time I tried to tell someone this, they look at me (or mouth off at me) like I am spewing utter nonsense. I now know I am not. I know I have a rare gift. And I also know I am not the only one who can hear the things I can hear. Do you know what a relief this is to me?
After taking a day to rest and mull this over, I have become more confident in my stance and in my music project, as well as its trajectory. I set out with a goal in mind to communicate with ancestors. I jumped in that proverbial river and started to swim. I've been in it ever since and it is leading me to places I never thought I would go and for as much as I am grateful for these things, what strikes me the most is how healing the day was for me. I can feel a genuine repair of some sort of rupture that occurred within myself the day I realized I could hear the spirit world. In fact, the shock of it nearly ripped my mind and my heart in two, and it took me a long time to centre myself again. But I needed healing. I needed healing to come.
When Jeremy sang his last song of the show, it was a lullaby of sorts. It was soothing and gentle and nourishing. I felt like I had been washed and reborn anew. It was like a baptism of the holiest of waters, born on unseeable frequencies that only the heart can feel. I left that building a different person than I was when I entered it. I've said this before but I will say it again here. Every single footstep I've taken to help me make it to today has been worth it. This journey has been long, frightening, beautiful, painful, and utterly heart-shattering, but I did it for the love of my family, the love of my ancestors, and my love for people who are also out there, daily, striving to become their purest version of themselves, tapping into their higher calling for the benefit of all.
The following is a raw format (unedited) version of the recordings I captured during the concert. In my opinion, it conveys the essence of unification and love I am trying reveal in my music project. It was fated for me to be within this room, basking in this moment where I know I am not alone. I know I am with my people. I am with those who walk the same path I walk and we all walk hand in hand.
Comments
Post a Comment